We are unique individuals, ineffably lonely. We need not, however, be isolated and alienated from each other. The Peace of Nowness (PON) group is an opportunity to share our aloneness by listening to ourselves and to each other. Particular topics of exchange include our experience of anxiety and our experience of meditation.
Developing peace is not a matter of attaining a quiescent state. Such a high maintenance state, brought about through effort, is temporary and vulnerable to disruption whenever the effort is relaxed. The peace referred to in this group is one that comes from not struggling against the present moment, even if that moment is uncomfortable or not what we wish it to be. The nature of thoughts is nowness; the nature of anxiety is nowness. Peace comes from fully embracing the energy of our present experience. In the absence of comparing what is happening to something else that could be happening, there is no anxiety. Anxiety purely comes from comparing this moment to another hypothetical moment. Kindness is the act of embracing our present experience.
When a friend or a child comes to us in distress, in our better moments we care about their experience and invite them to articulate it. When they come to us in joy we invite that too. For us to be a friend to ourselves, which is what meditation is, we need to care about and invite our experience. We listen to ourselves. Therefore it is a misconception to think of meditation as a kind of vigilance practice, in which the gold standard for nowness is the maintenance of attention to the breathing.
The most important part of the practice is attitude. The recommended attitude is one of kindness to ourselves, mixed with curiosity. When we care about our experience, we are naturally mindful. If we attempt the mindfulness practice as if it were a technique that could save us from uncomfortable experience, we are like an uncaring parent telling a hurt child to go away. The invitation in this group is that we could explore our experience, make friends with ourselves, and appreciate the lives we already have.
What is anxiety? From an experiential perspective it is a combination of looping thoughts, physiological arousal (especially of the autonomic nervous system), and patterns of muscle tension (which could also be experienced as a readiness to act). These components of anxiety are in some sense what we can meditate on, rather than something to get rid of. In fact, it is the very effort of trying to rid ourselves of what is actually occurring that creates anxiety. When we develop a case of “I can’t standititis”, we are prone to flail about impulsively in an effort to rid ourselves of that which we can’t tolerate. When we encounter situations that are challenging, we are at risk of acting out, reacting instead of responding.
If we learn to stay with uncomfortable thoughts and sensations, our ability to tolerate them is itself a kind of liberation, and allows us to respond to situations by making good choices. Meditation is a process of touching the discomfort, feeling it fully, and then letting go of it before we get stuck in stories about it.
We have become so phobic to pain, as a culture, that most of us have developed well entrenched defensive mechanisms with which to guard against the pain of raw feelings such as abandonment, betrayal, loss, and humiliation. Meditation is also a process of working through these defensive layers so the primary underlying fears can be touched, resolved, and a fundamental level of relaxation achieved. This also results in living life more fully, as less energy is bound up in maintaining the different kind of defenses we use.
To learn how we are put together, and to let our wisdom arise, it is helpful to slow down and deconstruct our habits. This is yet another important way to describe the process of meditation.
Part of this deconstruction revolves around exploring how the elements of looping thoughts, physiological arousal, and patterns of muscle tension relate to one another. The hypothesis being used in this approach is that every experience of anxiety is expressed in all three of these dimensions. For example, the thought which underlies the anxiety (such as “I’ll be embarrassed and humiliated”) could be accompanied by a particular pattern of muscle tension (such as tightness in the belly and a shortening of the ventral musculature, effectively making one’s belly less exposed), as well as by a pattern of physiological arousal (such as sweaty palms and butterflies in the stomach). By becoming aware of any of the components, we can become aware of all of them, and hence become more aware of the fully elaborated experience. Having access to the multiple components which together make up the experience of anxiety allows us to detect the arising of anxiety more easily, even at low levels. This is important, as it may be easier to work with anxiety just as it is beginning to arise, before it becomes overwhelming.
Everything above is part of the view, or the theory, of how to work with anxiety in this meditative and body-based approach. Our first meeting concluded with two experiential exercises, which are ways to put the theory into practice. Like practicing scales on the piano, or drilling in the fast break during basketball practice, we can practice these meditations in a “pure” form, eventually becoming familiar enough with them to incorporate them into daily life.
The first exercise, which you will receive a recording of, asked you to simply become aware of how you are shaping your body. What is the pattern of muscle tension? What movement does it feel like you are getting ready to make? We then used a variety of the Progressive Muscle Relaxation to replicate that tension as precisely as possible, inviting simultaneous recollection of the cognitive and autonomic nervous system aspects of the anxiety. It is important to note that cognition, in this case, means not only the verbalized thoughts we may have but also the images with which we think. This exercise concludes with a kind of squeezing out of the anxiety, as if it were dirt in the sponge of the body.
The second exercise is a kind of precursor to a more familiar meditative technique, and begins with establishing a good posture. It is recommended to sit relaxed with good alignment, with a body resilient enough to maximize sensitivity to and awareness of the shape we are making with our bodies. In other words, the point of the posture is to help us feel our experience more acutely.
It is also true that we have established physical habits that diminish awareness of uncomfortable feelings. These habits are reflected in our posture and our body organization. By taking a simple, upright position, we are unable to enact these habitual patterns, and the very feelings we strive to push away become more accessible to us.
The object of meditation is the body. As you sit, become aware of any movements you might like to make. What kind of sensations or feelings do you have? What are you feeling right now? Every aspect of experience is represented in the body. Let it be there, without automatically trying to change it in the moment of becoming aware of tension. Let yourself be as you are; this is kindness. Awareness in the context of kindness is the essence of mindfulness meditation.
No comments yet.